A Rollercoaster of Emotion

A Rollercoaster of Emotion

Hello beautiful people!

I am sorry I have been absent for so long. April has been crazy. So, the end of March my ex-boyfriend contacted me and we got back together. We had a wonderful three weeks together and then something happened and we broke up. I am not going into details for the sake of our privacy but suffice it to say that the issue is pretty heavy and serious. I love him still, and probably always will, but we just cannot be together. We broke up on Saturday, and I have been on a rollercoaster of emotion ever since. My depression and anxiety have been going haywire. On Sunday, I read this post on Instagram, and it really resonated with me. I am reposting it. I hope that you all get something out of it as well. Be sure to check out @beautiful_fibro_disaster if you are on IG and if you don’t already follow me on IG, I am @fibroscoop.

Roller coaster


At my weekly dr. appointment, mark asked me to try leaning into my feelings. When I feel sad or angry… let myself feel.  I have persistently been feeling worthless, powerless, useless, trapped, insignificant, lifeless, pointless and unmotivated to change that.  2x this week my husband came home from work and found me laying in the shower, sobbing.

The path to learning to love yourself, be kind and nurturing with yourself…is a long, rocky one.

Trying to accept that I’m struggling not because im failing at life, but because I have, trauma and legitimate mental illness is hard. All of this happening is NOT MY FAULT and its NOT FAKE. 
Mental health is such a complicated web. I want to share with you guys the real world of mental illness. Just like having cancer or a broken leg, you have no control of it happening to you. It’s not a choice. And it’s a real medical occurence. Just like any illness it comes with symptoms. Those symptoms attack constantly.

If you got cancer. You would treat your symptoms right? Pain, nausea, fatigue etc. You would nurture your symptoms but you would also treat the source right? Chemo, surgery…a mental illness come up in your life shouldn’t be ignored or shamed. You should seek help, treat your symptoms. I want to encourage all to do that! It will still be hard, but there will be improvement.

People need to see that mental illnesses is real, it’s common, there are others like you! And it’s okay. Its okay to have mental health issues, it’s okay to seek help, and it is okay to be working on it! You dont have to hide. You dont need to be ashamed.

Taking Mark’s advice made me feel like a mess a few times. But it was also calming to stop life and let my world be about how I feel. 
Crying is a sign of healing. It’s a true deep processing of emotion. It’s a good thing 💜

7 thoughts on “A Rollercoaster of Emotion

  1. I had something similar happen before with an ex, getting back together then finding it just wouldn’t work, even though we loved each other. We’re better for it now, very close friends and that love will always be there, just in a different way. I’m not surprised it’s thrown you through a look mentally and emotionally. Thank you for sharing that Insta post; it does resonate, sadly too many people will probably nod along with it and feel they could have written similar themselves.
    Sending gentle hugs your way lovely  ♥
    Caz xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so important. It took me a long time to separate my ‘fault’ from my illness and how I feel I fail at life, simply because I’m sick. But I’ve accepted it’s not my fault. That doesn’t mean I’m ok with it or don’t beat myself up but that I try to be kinder to myself. It’s not always easy, but it’s important to try to do so.
    Great post

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Unless you have obvious injury or illness, people have no time to stop, acknowledge, and support the unseen mental health and chronic conditions that many have. Learning to acknowledge feelings and accept them, but not assign blame to them is hard. When you are up, you’re on it, and when you’re down… well, things don’t get done. Regardless, we are all ok just the way we are at this moment in time.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You really do well with explaining the rollercoaster ride of mental illness. I have had a long term struggle with anxiety and depression. It is just now at this point that I talk about it out there for all the world to see. Keep up the good work of spreading awareness. Take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I wish we didn’t keep having to explain that the pain of mental illness is real. Even when treated it’s not 100% controllable. I try to tell others that even when a diabetic takes insulin, outside stressors and even the weather can throw blood glucose off. Same with me. I have Bipolar l Disorder and take medication but sometimes the roller coaster starts up and it’s difficult to shut down.

    Liked by 1 person

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